You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize