whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
