It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
