woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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