we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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