11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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