I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i think i just lost a toe
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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