Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We talked him into tasing himself.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
