I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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