I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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