All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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