scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
