did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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