In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
