I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize