Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
