Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
