Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
