i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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