Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
