Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
