just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
