If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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