I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
