A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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