i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He shit in the fireplace
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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