She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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