I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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