I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
