Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
