i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
