she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
