he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
