FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
