Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
