tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
