Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
