So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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