Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
