I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
