i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
