My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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