I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
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