I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
