ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
