so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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