I'm going to jail i love you
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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