cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
