who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Randomize
