So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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