I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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