non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
