my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize