Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
