there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
