HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
