i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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