He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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