Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
