Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
