You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
