I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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