I think i peed on brittanys purse
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
well you can't waste a boner
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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